Happy Birthday to me: Reflecting on a Milestone

As my 55th birthday approaches (I can’t even believe it, btw) I find I’m a bit taken aback by how many different emotions I’m experiencing simultaneously. 

While I feel incredibly blessed in so many aspects of my life, I also find myself feeling a little sad.

Sad, because this will be the first year I am completely parentless.

My father passed away eight years ago and my mother passed away unexpectedly last September, just 3 weeks before my oldest daughter’s wedding. 

Blow to the gut for sure. 

My mother was the first to call me every year on the morning of my birthday recalling in great depth all her childbirth details with me…

Year after year…

I know in great detail that I was an 8-pound baby born with an entire head full of dark hair. 

And lucky for you, you now know it, too. lol 

I know that my hair was so long it required a bow. Pink to be exact. 

At this point I’ve heard the story so many times I could probably recite it after two martinis while juggling balls of fire.

However — and I say this with sadness — I would give anything to hear it just one more time.

Just one more.

However, for the first time in my life I find that while I’m still looking in a forward direction through the windshield of my life and in a very happy and peaceful place in my life, I’m now also simultaneously seeing life in the rearview mirror with great reflection. 

Both the good things.

the not-so-good things.

the pain.

the love.

the joy.

and the lessons-

Ahhh, those good ol’ lessons we’re so fond of. 

All of it. And at one time.

I’ve learned so much in my lifetime. And I am emphasizing the word “learned.”

Some would use “evolve,” “growth,” progression,” or whatever it’s called these days.

The fact is, when we go through struggles and obstacles and pain, that’s when those valuable and insightful lessons force us to acclimate and learn.

You know, you evolve. (Hopefully)

Or as I like to say …

You either sink or swim.

One thing is for sure …

The gratitude I feel for my husband, our children, our siblings, extended family and friends is just so profound.

I realize it is deeper and more encompassing than just being merely thankful. 

I realize, more today than ever, that health, family, and friends are the most valuable commodities anyone can have. 

And you are truly wealthy if you have all three. 

BTW, the circle of friends I have cultivated is one to be treasured. There’s not a single one who wouldn’t bake me a cake with a knife in it if I were in prison. But in all seriousness …orange is not my best color and that fact is a deterrent in itself.

I accepted through the years my skirts have gotten longer and my nails shorter. 

And I’m okay with that.

I take good care of myself and try to be the best self I can be, but I have no interest in trying to look 30 years younger. I had my time to shine, and hopefully I'm still shining for my age but I’m handing the torch over to my children because it’s their moment to really glow. Not to say that I don't want to always be the best version of myself, but I also find it necessary to always look like me — 

Even if it’s an older version. 

I’ve mastered the art of forgiveness for those who deserve it while also gaining an understanding of how equally important it is to say “I’m sorry” to those I have hurt.

I’ve learned how to stand up tall and proud after having been knocked down through divorce, breakups, and lost friendships.

I’ve withstood the pain over the loss of both my parents while still managing to stay strong for my children and provide a safe and secure foundation for them throughout it all.

I’ve acquired the skill it takes to overcome betrayal. And I do mean deep and profound disloyalty from friends and from other people I have loved. I’ve also embraced the fact that while disloyalty disguises as shattered trust at first … It also can be the catalyst for resilience. 

OK — in all transparency, I’m no Mother Theresa here. Just keeping it real. There are still some grievances that can never be remedied no matter how much time has passed. 

I’ve come to the realization personally that while it’s incredibly important to stand up for what you believe in and so forth, — your circle of peeps are still the most important.

Ending friendships and cutting family connections due to differing opinions is shortsighted.

Just my opinion … 

After losing your parents or loved ones, you rather quickly understand that nothing should ever break those connections.

I’ve mastered the art at keeping my walls high and my circle small. There’s something to be said about having four quarters rather than 100 pennies.

I embrace the motto that the four pillars of a “rich” life are health, love, happiness, and relationships — and that social climbing is definitely not considered a cardio exercise. 

Just ask the American Academy of Medicine. 

I’ve become proficient in the fact that there is an honorable way of doing almost everything …

And I do mean everything. 

Well, I take that back- mostly everything. 

I mean can you really have honor while robbing a bank? But you do understand I mean mostly everything- legal that is.

Breaking up, divorcing, firing an employee, walking away from a friendship ...

All of these can be done in a dignified matter… 

If you try hard enough.

I’ve gained an understanding that the seeds we plant, whether good or bad, grow in that same direction. Some call it karma but for me it’s about doing right by others because life is an echo.  

I’ve also come to accept the fact that not everyone will like us in life and that’s ok. Doesn’t mean we ar bad people. It means if we’re not someone’s cup of tea than perhaps they are coffee drinkers.

And finally …

I’ve become who I am for my children and I work hard at honoring the morals my parents raised me with. 

Especially for my Dad.

I hope they are proud and celebrating with me as I ease my way into the second half of my 50s.

Happy double nickels to me and happy birthday to all fellow Aries this month. May your lives be blessed with all wonderful things in the upcoming year.

That’s my Reveal for the week.

Love,

Karin