Keep Your Ships Floating

The slow and brutal demise of any relationship, friendship, or employmentship (I just

made that word up, if you didn't notice) doesn’t usually occur in a “one and done” kind of

moment in which one broad swoop miraculously causes the end.

Nope.

Far from it.

It’s more along the lines of the culmination of tiny brush strokes made out of a

steel wool pad, which over time (think Chinese water torture) eventually erode the

entire foundation that the very relationship was built on.

Then one random day, that’s it.

You wake up … and you just know you’ve had enough …

and kaboom …

Game over.

Finito.

Adios.

Ba and bye.

Did you ever play the game “Don't Break the Ice” as a child?

I did.

Well, the premise in short is after each turn of hammering down one ice cube …

BTW, you do realize I am making a metaphorical analogy to show that the ice is-

Drumroll…..

lack of satisfaction,

lack of respect,

lack of trust,

lack of consistency,

lack of commitment,

lack of feeling prioritized.

But you knew that.

Anyway, back to the game …

Eventually, after multiple turns, someone’s hammer winds up being the last amount of

pressure that the remaining ice cubes can handle, so all the ice breaks and the game

ends.

We all get to that one point where the “pounding of the ice” eventually breaks all of the

ice (our resolve), leading to the destruction of the entire relationship.

A wise friend once told me that all relationships, whether romantic, familial, or

professional, come down to one truism:

They either grow or die.

When you think about it, while rather morose, it’s super true and accurate. Not a deep

thought or one I can see Confucius saying, but one that captures the essence of what

we’re talking about.

Even through tough times, if a relationship can adapt then it’s growing and

elevating to something deeper and stronger.

If someone were to ask me what causes failure to any kind of “ship” I would have to say:

continual unmet expectations met with serious disappointment.

Take, for example, my friend “Bob.” Bob had an employee who worked for him for

almost three years. Let’s call him “Steve.” Over the course of that time, Steve

called in sick at least six days a month. On the days Steve would show up, he’d

occasionally do what his job demanded of him. But more often than not, he

slipped into habitual tardiness, lack of follow-through, and non-stop excuses. He

put everything in his life over his job, never balancing out the sick days with over-

the-top job performance. And yet, he still wanted to be paid the same and keep

his job.

In this professional scenario, Steve was not maintaining what I like to refer to as “the ol’

reciprocal exchange program.”

(I added the ol’ for dramatic effect; did it work?)

A reciprocal exchange program in relationships refers to the idea of a balanced give-

and-take between parties, where each person actively contributes to the relationship by

providing support, affection, monetary value (if it’s a work relationship), and/or putting in

an effort in a way that is roughly equal to what they receive from their partner/friend/

relative/employer/employee, creating a sense of mutual benefit that fosters a healthy

and fair reciprocal dynamic.

Mind you, fair is the important word. This is because the minute one party feels they are

being taken advantage of or devalued, that’s when things start to unwind.

The most important thing in any “ship” — other than not sinking — is RESPECT.

When you respect your partner, your parent, your friend, your employee or employer, or

even yourself, you're more inclined to try harder and have fewer excuses as to why

you're underperforming.

In each relationship there is a getting-to-know-you period.

In this timeframe you learn about that person.

You can sense what is important and what needs to be acknowledged —

what efforts need to be made to effectively meet the needs of that someone important in your life.

Continued failure to meet these expectations, which are often the “basic principles” of

the reciprocal exchange program, are usually met with what I mentioned earlier: the

slow demise of that “ship.”

Basically, if something or someone is important, really and truly put the effort in.

By…

Being consistent.

Being respectful.

Being honest.

Being trustworthy.

Hidden from far view, too many ships are listing with disappointments that get stuffed

away, feelings that are not expressed (and maybe even suppressed), and apologies

and forgiveness that are forgotten.

Accumulated anger is worse than overstaying houseguests and the fish analogy.

You know, the longer it goes on, the worse the stench.

If you find that your ship somehow or someway is sunk or is sinking, it might be time to

find a lifeboat or life vest, or identify the hole and patch it up.

However, when all else fails and you find yourself in the middle of the North Atlantic …

remember, if there was room for Jack and Rose on that door, chances are there’s room

for you, too.

That’s my Reveal for the week.

Love,

Karin